Christmas in the news

Some days are just too cold for walkies, especially now we're in Winter and counting down to Christmas. On such days, I stay inside and read the newspaper that my owner, Geraldo, sets down next to my bed. Dignity prevents me telling you why he leaves the paper there, only some nights even Pooch gets scared of things that go bump in the night -- and it's too much for Geraldo to buy a mop.

According to the news, thousands of Christmas shoppers have been duped into buying nonexistent goods on Internet stores. Authorities say, "These websites claim to sell brand-name items at low prices. Be vigilant, shoppers! If it looks too good to be true, it probably is."

Gee whiz! They must think we're stupid. I don't care what they say. I'm still waiting for my lock of genuine bigfoot hair. It's naturally styled into the image of Jesus Christ, and that's special.

Speaking of Christmas, did you hear about this guy in America who held up a shopping mall Santa Claus with a stick of dynamite? This is for real. This guy actually walked up to Santa and threatened him, saying, "I've got dynamite." Dynamite! Who does this guy think he is, Yosemite Sam? You can picture it:

Santa: And what would you like for Christmas, son?
Yosemite Sam: Bring me the head of Bugs Bunny!

And there behind Yosemite Sam is his mother, waving frantically at Santa, saying: "No! We can't afford it!"

And I can only imagine what this guy's demands were...

Yosemite Sam: Take me off the naughty list. Or else.

Or did he plan to hijack the sleigh and hold Santa hostage? I'd like to see that hostage video.
















... two weeks later, the White House receives an unmarked parcel containing a disembodied beard.

It's a scary world out there, I think I prefer the things that go bump in the night.